Loss of libido, (hell no, not my sex drive!!!!) You can't take that too. Kill me now!!! I say, kill me now! Redefining the meaning of sex drive: go-slow, park or stop!
A lot of women are entering that time of life where they are going through… you know, in a whisper..."menopause." Nobody talked about menopause when I was young. I have older siblings and just like the menstrual cycle or your "period"...nobody talked about IT!
How in heck's name are we to prepare for a phase of life that is as inevitable as death? Or can we prepare for it? I really would like to know a little of what to expect!
We look forward to starting our periods with dread (my mother's only conversation about my period as a girl...was, "Don't go near boys!" (I thought I was bleeding to death!) What a thing to tell a "tom-boy?” I started running from the little monsters. I stopped when my older sister told me I wasn't bleeding to death and showed me how to use the old school cloth...okay it was years, okay... bazillion years ago!!!!
Then there were the child-bearing years, when if you were tom-catting around, all you worried about was crabs, Gonorrhoea (which you couldn't even spell so you didn’t worry about it...anyway only men and dirty girls got that!) You know the "curable ones." How naive we were and how LUCKY...we were.
Then we move into the 80's and the disco scene and the fear of Herpes. Sex wasn't about fun and games any more, and just getting pregnant and saddling yourself and this poor unprepared boy with a child! This was a disease that would mark you for life, but it wasn't going to kill you...not yet! Then AIDS. Now sex was killing you...but that was still only for people who didn't have sex with "clean" partners. I was fortunate that I was in my 20's in the Herpes scare and started packing my condoms...."no glove, no love" was my motto. Sex was beautiful... wonderful...sometimes almost a religious experience...but it shouldn't cause my death or carry fear with it.
I have always had a healthy sex drive and all I ever worried about was my partners keeping up with me. And then without any fore-knowledge or preparation or any damn warning, I woke up one morning and people are talking to me about… menopause!
I once asked my mother how come after seven children she had such beautiful breasts? She said she got them after she entered menopause...so being the flat chested woman that I was... (I have spent many hours observing the female form). I concluded that if you "bust out" out early with beautiful male-magnetic attractive breasts, you are going to be the unfortunate woman to have them sag after child birth! On the other hand, if you have small breasts, you tend to hold your breast shape even after breast feeding 4 big head sons!
Now as a young woman on the dating scene, I rather wanted the full breasts but they never happened...so I had to be satisfied with the long legs and the firm, tight booty...but I sure wanted those breasts! Aw well...So here I was vaguely looking forward to menopause because finally, I was going to have big beautiful breasts! What my mother didn’t tell me was that menopause affected your sex drive! She wouldn’t have mentioned it because she is the same woman who gave me that amazingly enlightening information during puberty! I should have known better than to listen to her. So here I was finally, in a great relationship and couldn’t understand what the heck was happening...juicy fruit had turned to dry gulch!!!!
So research, research, research...everything on the market for female enhancement and there are a few…and I enjoyed some more than others! I decided that I was not going on a hormone replacement therapy because luckily an older friend of mine advised against it from personal experience of cancer in her family from HRT. So I used all kinds of alternative therapy, but the thing I remember most from my research...use it or lose it!
It is very liberating to not have to go through the period thing every month. I don't miss it, but I sure miss the responsiveness of a body filled with child-bearing hormones and sensitivity. I don't miss the emotional roller-coaster of PMS and being referred to as "The Dragon Lady" ...but thank the Goddess that menopause is as it said..."men-on-pause."
No, everything still works... But we have to get more creative…the poor man has to work a lot harder, longer and more creatively, but when it happens it's still wonderful…The God/Goddess would never be that cruel as to take a way a function that generates enough energy to make stars shine brighter...so as I said...take my libido away...take me next day because the stars will be shining less bright for us women...and I did get the breasts finally...do I still have the tight booty and long legs? What do you think? :O)
Okay, enough of the personal stuff…
“Menopause affects every woman. Premature menopause symptoms (or early menopause symptoms) may include irregular periods or hot flashes. Other signs of menopause include night sweats, sleep difficulties, and irritability. Menopause treatments may include hormone replacement therapy, although this is not for every woman. Herbal remedies for menopause may include soy foods and natural supplements. If you have bleeding after menopause, call your doctor as it may indicate a more serious problem.” www.WebMD
Menopause is a personal journey and many women can relate to some of the incidents. But because it is a personal journey, do your research, it's an individual experience, yet part of the collective experience of being a human woman. Never let another woman or your doctor TELL you what to do or feel! What to expect is totally your experience…not your friend’s or your doctor’s. Talk to your friends about their experience…start a dialogue with women: older/ younger.
A few years ago I was teaching a course on “Today’s Families” to a very diverse age group of women. It seemed that every lecture a discussion of menopause came up. We didn’t notice this until one of the younger women piped up with “Enough already with the menopause, I’m not there yet and am not interested!” A few of the older women in the class looked at each other and burst out laughing…one woman came back with "Not yet!” As an instructor, after that we did monitor and balance the discussion because the older women had more to share on their journey than menopause. They were also in the “Wisdom Phase” of their life which they still had to recognize. This was just another "layer of the onion," the life stage they were currently experiencing...one of the many life stages in the journey of life.
As a specie, we are living longer and women are living past “The Change.” I believe it is our perception of what that “change” is that has to change. As a Child Welfare Social Worker, I remembered a client who was such a "miserable bag" that no-one wanted to work with her…No-one wanted to visit her in her home, it was always office visits. Her children were teen girls, so the people who were at imminent risk were not her children but the social workers who would show up on her doorstep. I have always liked a challenge and I actually volunteered to take the file!
My first strategy was to stand on her doorstep until she invited me in. Her house was being heated by the open oven because her heat was cut off. Her house was also condemned by the city. After a conversation that had nothing to do with her children, just what was happening in her life, this beautiful, artistic woman disclosed that after 7 children and years of single motherhood, she was experiencing menopause. Her identity had been tied to her children, her ability to become pregnant and raise beautiful children. Her role as child bearer, mother and nurturer were all treasured by her culture. She didn’t know who she was now! She had to redefine herself and she didn’t know how. I say artistic because this woman had some beautiful original art work hanging in her home, yet she didn’t see herself as a talented, gifted artist!
That was a learning moment for me…I was a young, professional woman who had many roles, (too many) mother, wife, social worker, community volunteer and had no idea what this woman was going through.
The “Big M” or “small m” (your perception of menopause) affects you in your vulnerable area…this woman in her role as a child-bearer, a proud mother…me…my sexuality…others…? Some women walk through it as easy as “knife through butter.” My mother said her menopause was easy…(I have to look back at my childhood) For some it’s mental, emotional, physical, psychological, but it is as inevitable as death!
So do your research…it is your journey! Keep a journal, read books, talk to other women. We are living longer and we can redefine ourselves any time during this journey…
To start check out the internet. One website I like is www.WebMD; Oprah had a segment on menopause and there are many books out there on Menopause, but remember it's your story!
